New to me

Read the following at your own risk. The same goes for not reading it.

Okay, I figured it was time to start getting all that important information out there to you, all the stuff I’ve been channelling for the wise guys on the other side of the fence.

Yes, I’m one of those guys who listens to people you can’t normally see or hear. You can’t normally see or hear them because your eyes and ears aren’t accustomed to seeing and hearing people who are dead or who don’t take well to expressing themselves in flesh. And a lot of you apparently don’t believe that people who are dead or not incarnate are nevertheless available to chew the fat. But they are. And they do.

So, let’s begin.

You’ve probably noticed that there’s some weird shit going on in the world today. Okay, you’re right, that’s an understatement. The bliss bunnies are saying that the world is in transition, trying to elevate its vibrations to achieve a new plane of existence. I don’t know much about that; Mother Earth doesn’t talk to me much. Well, she does actually, she just doesn’t say much about the affairs of men except: jeez are you guys dense, or what? Mud for brains and hearts of stone, that’s how she sees us. But she hasn’t given up on us. Mothers don’t give up on their children. At least not until the bitter end.

But I’m getting off track. I started this because the guys (I’m using guys as a gender-neutral noun here) shouting through the barrier are all perplexed about the Another Fine Mess we’ve got ourselves into, to quote the title of a Laurel and Hardy movie. They’re talking about this business of COVID-19, or as most people tend to call it: the Corona Pandemic.

First and foremost it’s Louis Pasteur who’s shouting: No no no no. Or maybe non non non non. What comes through is him ranting about how he’s sorry that he got it all wrong and how we should be listening to some other guy he calls „that turd Antoine Béchamp“. Go figure. If I interpret this right (and that’s always the problem with this „speaking for the dead“ business of course), Pasteur wants to rescind all of his theories and especially this business of vaccinations, a procedure which he claims has never really worked. All of his vaccinations were really failures and the germ theory was never proven, it’s just a wild theory. He tried to renege on his death bed, but things had gone too far and nobody was willing to listen – too much money to be earned eliminating evil germs I guess. He feels really awful about it, but he claims he did it to impress some young lady whom he found very ou la la. Okay, so where does that leave us?

Well, it leaves us running around with our mouths and noses covered with ridiculous rags for no good reason other than to save money on lipstick and mouth wash. And it leaves us distancing ourselves from our fellow humans when we should be standing them by. And it leaves us disinfecting hands until the skin falls off our fingers and accomplishing absolutely nothing but more business for dermatologists and chemists. And it means we’re all waiting with bated breath for a vaccine that will, at best, just poison us a little more. And most of all, it leaves us AFRAID! Okay, I can understand why Louis keeps pulling out his hair even though he doesn’t really have any hair any more, being what some people might call a ghost. Ghost hair is just not pullable.

Then there’s this guy Kary Mullis. Claims he won the Nobel prize in 1993 but that nobody is listening to him now. Duhhhh – most people don’t even listen to their family, friends and neighbours who are alive, so it’s kind of asking a lot to expect people to listen to a dead stranger, Nobel prize notwithstanding. Anyway, the Kary guy says he invented the PCR test that everyone is using to figure out who to burn at the stake next or, failing that, to put under house arrest. And now he’s saying it doesn’t work. No wait, he says it does work, it just doesn’t prove anything. Especially it doesn’t prove anything about corona viruses. He says no one even really knows what a virus does.

I think a lot of computer nerds would disagree. But it would definitely be a real bummer for the computer world if someone found out that biological viruses actually aren’t destructive or pathogenic, but in fact are an integral part of a biological system and are committed to, for instance, eliminating detritus. Oops, getting off track again. But really, wouldn’t that be a pain in the ass? If viruses turn out to be something essential or even good, the computer nerds would have to change the name of their computer viruses to something that really is destructive, something selfishly evil and pathogenic. Maybe something like: computer trumps.

So why is the whole world banging its head against the wall?

Well, this guy Oswald Spengler keeps knocking and he says it’s for the same reason that people always banged their heads against walls. Because they trust their governments to tell them the truth and forget that their governments are made of people just as clueless, spineless and self-serving as the Folk. I don’t know why he keeps calling the people „the Folk“. Oh, he says he was a German.

My mother says I should stop being so sarcastic. Okay mom. She was German too, but she wasn’t a historian like Spengler. She was an alcoholic with a very fragile and loving heart, bless her soul. She died in the same year that Kary Mullis got his Nobel prize. I don’t think they knew each other. But maybe that’s an example of synchronicity? If my mom hadn’t died in 1993 and instead died in April of this year, she would now be included in the COVID-19 mortality statistics, regardless of the fact that she died as a consequence of driving into a big tree. Yeah, statistics. And there he is, to round up my first blog: Winston Churchill. Laughing and coughing and smelling like stale aftershave. I’m starting to wonder if disembodied spirits can become senile because he keeps saying the same thing over and over again and laughing hysterically: “I only believe in statistics that I doctored myself”. Thanks Winston. Come again tomorrow when I channel some statistics.

Oh. Before I go, Winston wants me to give you his summary of the politicians of today, whose handling of the Corona Travesty he apparently watches quite closely from the other side of the veil (are you listening Boris?): “They occasionally stumble over the truth, but hastily pick themselves up and hurry on as if nothing happened.” Thank you Prime Minister.